I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
