is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
