from now on my penis is your penis
where am i from again
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
