I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
