escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
