yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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