I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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