Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
