i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
