She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
