were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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