Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
