he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he just fucked me for my cheese..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
