i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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