You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You made out with two different species that night
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
