Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
