I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
