I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
