Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
