Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
