We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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