we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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