My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
