I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
