I just pynch a tree in the face
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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