no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
