No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she looked like the before picture.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
