That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
