You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
