there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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