I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
