I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
