smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm, like, this ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ close to buying crocs
And you're also ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ to never putting your dick inside me again
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