I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize