ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
