I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
