somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
