i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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