When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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