He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
