How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
