i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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