Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
