You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
