i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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