Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
