No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
