At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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