Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
50% drunk capacity currently
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
