I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
