it wasn't lemon gatorade
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
