Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize