We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
