I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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