some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
