All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
