Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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