Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
