That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
