I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
