oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
