I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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