Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
