so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
