My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
