your parents love me but you hate me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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