He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
