So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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