I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
