check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
